Spammer Rules
(The current Keeper of the Rules is Patricia A. Shaffer)

It's amazing how spammers keep proving these rules over and over again!

• Rule #0: Spam is theft.
• Angel's Commentary: Spammers believe it's okay to steal a little bit from each person on the Internet at once.


• Rule #1: Spammers lie.
• Russel's Admonition: Always assume that there is a measurable chance that the entity you are dealing with is a spammer.
• Lexical Contradiction: Spammers will redefine any term in order to disguise their abuse of Internet resources.
• Sharp's Corollary: Spammers attempt to re-define "spamming" as that which they do not do.
• Finnell's Corollary: Spammers define "remove" as "validate."


• Rule #2: If a spammer seems to be telling the truth, see Rule #1.
• Crissman's Corollary: A spammer, when caught, blames his victims.
• Moore's Corollary: Spammer's lies are seldom questioned by mainstream media.


• Rule #3: Spammers are stupid.
• Krueger's Corollary: Spammer lies are really stupid.
• Pickett's Commentary: Spammer lies are boring.
• Russell's Corollary: Never underestimate the stupidity of spammers.
• Spinosa's Corollary: Spammers assume everybody is more stupid than themselves.
• Spammer's Standard of Discourse: Threats and intimidation trump facts and logic.
• James' Axioms of Spammers' Beliefs:
• Bandwidth is infinite. It possible for infinite messages to occupy the same box at the same time.
• The less value a message has, the more people want to see it.
• The more someone is offended, the more likely they are to buy.
• Reward is inversely proportional to the work done to earn it.


• Rule #4: The natural course of a spamming business is to go bankrupt.
• Rules-Keeper Shaffer's Refrain: Spammers routinely prove the Rules of spam are valid.